"Everything has a crack in it" represents the imperfection in the world. When someone says that something is broken, I say it. It's from a story about a dying boy in an orphanage celebrating his first Christmas. A little hilarity for you in the cold winter months, I suppose.

mood: melancholy music: the bustle of monroe tags: language, slang, words, writer's block

beans lots of beans lots of beans lots of beans.

mood: gah!

My birthday is a week from today. I feel like I should do something fun this weekend but I don't know what. Any ideas?

My crazy ex asked to talk to me... after a year of being mean followed by three years of ignoring me... I hope he's more mature now. I agreed because my selfish curiosity took over and I simply have to enjoy watching his nervous misery. I'm a horrible person.

mood: amused

I rarely truly miss people, but when I do it's usually my little brother. Today he called me saying that he misses me. It is understandable that he wants friendly faces around, since he's hurt, but I got the impression he was all alone. This is not so: the rest of my family is with him. I feel bad because I can't visit him again until Monday at the soonest and that's only if I can find a ride. Poor chahee all alone in the world among some crazy relatives. I miss him, too. I guess I should mail him some chocolate and go visit when I can.

mood: hungry

I've been terribly depressed ever since I got stoned and questioned my free will. Tony has been visiting for the past few days. It's nice to have a friendly face around, but at the same time, over social engagements can be really awkward with him around. Today I worked early, then went to visit Bu-Norah for a while then back home to change, then off to visit Tanya. Jill showed up and we talked for a while. I ended up crying for a while because I just miss her way too much. So then I went back to work. Tony walked me there and suggested we go do something fun afterward. We could go hiking or... something. Just then I get a text from Bu-Norah asking if I wanted to come over after work for hookah and good times. So, here I am listening to Tony and Anwar exchange embarrassing bathroom stories. Wow, I love life.

mood: cheerful

Every few months I freak out and write a rant about how commitment is scary and I don't understand it. Well, I still think monogamy is a cruel joke, but I've decided that I can appreciate commitment. They say religion and marriage are two things that make people happy. I'd believe that. Perhaps it's the fact that my religion has been slipping the past few years and so marriage seems like something that can make me happy. On the other hand, perhaps I just found a really great girl who I love and I think I could always love. Having someone there who you know will always be there for you is a great feeling. Having a partner to support you and someone to keep you accountable is GOOD, despite my efforts against responsibility of any kind. All the ideas I had about how my life would turn out are flipping upside down. Change is good, and surprises are great, so I shouldn't complain. I'm happy.

mood: loved tags: commitment, jill

I am going to watch a movie and drink with Dave tonight. I'm not particularly feeling up to it, as I've had a very emotional day, the details of which I cannot talk about with him. I know he is also going to be frustrated if only for the fact that he had to work an extra fifteen minutes because Margie never remembers to lock the doors and freshman wonder in after hours. So, this should be interesting. Wish me luck.

mood: gloomy

I had one of the worst nights of my life so far. Not in the "this is going to ruin my plans" or "people are going to be mad at me" or that sort of lasting way that would make it even worse, but it was still terrible. And all because I wanted to scream and bite and scratch and jump in the cold, cold Willamette or listen to Magical Trevor ten thousand times in a row but chose not to do any of those things. I did nothing.

mood: better