"Everything has a crack in it" represents the imperfection in the world. When someone says that something is broken, I say it. It's from a story about a dying boy in an orphanage celebrating his first Christmas. A little hilarity for you in the cold winter months, I suppose.

mood: melancholy music: the bustle of monroe tags: language, slang, words, writer's block

beans lots of beans lots of beans lots of beans.

mood: gah!

My birthday is a week from today. I feel like I should do something fun this weekend but I don't know what. Any ideas?

My crazy ex asked to talk to me... after a year of being mean followed by three years of ignoring me... I hope he's more mature now. I agreed because my selfish curiosity took over and I simply have to enjoy watching his nervous misery. I'm a horrible person.

mood: amused

I rarely truly miss people, but when I do it's usually my little brother. Today he called me saying that he misses me. It is understandable that he wants friendly faces around, since he's hurt, but I got the impression he was all alone. This is not so: the rest of my family is with him. I feel bad because I can't visit him again until Monday at the soonest and that's only if I can find a ride. Poor chahee all alone in the world among some crazy relatives. I miss him, too. I guess I should mail him some chocolate and go visit when I can.

mood: hungry

I've been terribly depressed ever since I got stoned and questioned my free will. Tony has been visiting for the past few days. It's nice to have a friendly face around, but at the same time, over social engagements can be really awkward with him around. Today I worked early, then went to visit Bu-Norah for a while then back home to change, then off to visit Tanya. Jill showed up and we talked for a while. I ended up crying for a while because I just miss her way too much. So then I went back to work. Tony walked me there and suggested we go do something fun afterward. We could go hiking or... something. Just then I get a text from Bu-Norah asking if I wanted to come over after work for hookah and good times. So, here I am listening to Tony and Anwar exchange embarrassing bathroom stories. Wow, I love life.

mood: cheerful

Every few months I freak out and write a rant about how commitment is scary and I don't understand it. Well, I still think monogamy is a cruel joke, but I've decided that I can appreciate commitment. They say religion and marriage are two things that make people happy. I'd believe that. Perhaps it's the fact that my religion has been slipping the past few years and so marriage seems like something that can make me happy. On the other hand, perhaps I just found a really great girl who I love and I think I could always love. Having someone there who you know will always be there for you is a great feeling. Having a partner to support you and someone to keep you accountable is GOOD, despite my efforts against responsibility of any kind. All the ideas I had about how my life would turn out are flipping upside down. Change is good, and surprises are great, so I shouldn't complain. I'm happy.

mood: loved tags: commitment, jill

I am going to watch a movie and drink with Dave tonight. I'm not particularly feeling up to it, as I've had a very emotional day, the details of which I cannot talk about with him. I know he is also going to be frustrated if only for the fact that he had to work an extra fifteen minutes because Margie never remembers to lock the doors and freshman wonder in after hours. So, this should be interesting. Wish me luck.

mood: gloomy

I had one of the worst nights of my life so far. Not in the "this is going to ruin my plans" or "people are going to be mad at me" or that sort of lasting way that would make it even worse, but it was still terrible. And all because I wanted to scream and bite and scratch and jump in the cold, cold Willamette or listen to Magical Trevor ten thousand times in a row but chose not to do any of those things. I did nothing.

mood: better

Today is a better day. Even if everything is wrong, there's one thing that seems right. That's enough for me.

mood: ditzy

So, I've got cabin fever. Guess what from? Not being in bed for four days straight (although that very well may have helped). That's right. From Corvallis. Go Figure. I mean, four straight years here is probably enough to drive anyone mad with angst. I wish I at least had a car to go run a muck on the weekend, but I don't. I ALMOST got out of town this weekend, at least to Salem to go to coffee with friends and a sort of amateur anth convention on Saturday, but I missed it due to my illness. That was really disappointing. I was looking forward to it. There's a slight chance I'll be in Portland on Friday, if I'm lucky. Probably won't happen, knowing my luck. Grrr.

mood: quixotic

You know, I really could get a feel for this whole blogging thing. I could write about how my dog is sitting on my lap and shaking furiously as he always does when I hold him. He hates me. I could talk about how my roommates want to drive to Salem to camp out in front of EB to wait for the new Warcraft expansion to come out at midnight. I could talk about the party I missed because I had to get up at 5 for work. I ended up being two hours late anyway, I should have just gone to the party and I could have been sleeping now. I could talk about so very many things. Ah, endless possibilities.

mood: confused

I created my Live Journal account for a class. I get to post on a team blog and share my experiences in online communities. I'm taking this class because I can't think of anything better than combining my love for studying people like they're lab rats and my love for wasting hours and hours playing around online and finding people to talk to.